DA SE MALO NASMEJETE A MOZETE I VI DA DODATE NESTO
Moderator: Megabaja
STVARI KOJE BEZ FILMOVA NIKADA NE BISTE SAZNALI !
- Kašalj je znak smrtonosne bolesti.
- Detektiv može rešiti slucaj samo ako je suspendovan sa dužnosti.
- Jedna šibica dovoljna je da osvetli sobu bilo koje veličine.
- Svaka brava može se u sekundi otvoriti kreditnom karticom ili spajalicom - osim ako to nisu vrata koja vode u zgradu u plamenu s detetom zarobljenim unutra.
- Nije neophodno reci "dobar dan" ili "do viđenja" kada započinjete ili završavate telefonski razgovor.
- Eiffelov toranj može se videti s bilo kog prozora u Parizu.
- Jedan čovek koji puca u dvadeset ljudi ima više šanse ubiti ih, nego dvadeset ljudi koji pucaju u jednog čoveka.
- Kuhinje nemaju prekidače za svetlo. Kad u nju ulazite noću, treba samo da otvorite vrata frižidera i koristiti njegovo svetlo kao zamenu.
- Nije važno ako ste višestruko nadbrojani u borbi koja uključuje borilačke veštine - vaši neprijatelji čekaće strpljivo da vas napadnu jedan po jedan, plešući naokolo u pretećem maniru, sve dok ne oborite njihove prethodnike.
- Majke svakog jutra pripremaju jaja, slaninu i kolače za svoga supruga i decu, iako oni nikada nemaju vremena da to pojedu.
- Policajcima se uvek dodeljuju partneri koji su njihova potpuna suprotnost
- Čak i pri vožnji po potpuno ravnom putu, neophodno je energično okretati volan s leva na desno svakih nekoliko ternutaka.
- Pošteni i radišni policajci u pravilu bivaju upucani tri dana pre penzije.
- Šef policije uvek je Crnac.
- Šef policije uvijek će suspendovati svog glavnog detektiva - ili mu dati 48 sati da završi posao.
- Ventilacioni sistem bilo koje zgrade savrseno je mesto za skrivanje. Niko nikada neće ni pomisliti da vas u njemu traži i možete bez teškoća putovati do bilo kog dela zgrade.
- Kada se suočite sa zlim međunarodnim teroristom, sarkazam i duhovitost su vase najbolje oruzje.
- Kada plaćate taksi, ne morate pogledati u novčanik dok vadite novčanicu - samo zgrabite jednu nasumce i dajte je. Biće to uvek tačan iznos cene vožnje.
- Skidanje do struka može muškarca učiniti neranjivim za metke.
- Ako na vas pucaju Nemci, sakrijte se u reku - ili, čak, u kadu; nemački meci ne mogu prodreti kroz vodu.
- Ako borave u opsednutoj kući, žene istražuju svaki neobičan zvuk u najoskudnijem rublju.
- Ako ste plavokosi i lepi, moguće je da postanete svetski stručnjak za nuklearnu fiziku sa 22 godine.
- Ako treba da ponovo napunite oružje, uvek ćete imati dovoljno municije - čak i ako je uopšte pre toga niste ni poneli.
- Ako se nađete uhvaćeni u situaciju koja se može brzo razjasniti jednostavnim objašnjenjem, za ime Boga, držite usta zatvorena!
- Ako vidite veliko staklo, neko će ubrzo biti bačen kroz njega.
- Ako vas netko juri po gradu, možete se sakriti u paradi svetog Patricka koja je - u svako doba godine.
- Ako odlucite plesati po ulici, svako na koga naiđete znaće korake.
- Kada je osoba onesveštena udarcem u glavu, on ili ona nikada neće pretrpeti potres ili oštećenje mozga.
- Kada se vozi auto, normalno je gledati - ne na put, već u osobu koja sedi pored vas ili na zadnjem sedištu, za vreme celog putovanja.
- Preživećete bilo koju bitku u bilo kom ratu, osim ako ne napravite grešku i pokažete nekome fotografiju vaše voljene kod kuće.
- Televizijske dnevne vesti obično sadrže priču koja vas lično pogađa tačno u tom trenutku.
- Lako je prizemljiti avion ako postoji neko u kontrolnom tornju da vam daje uputstva.
- Tokom svih policijskih istraga biće neophodno barem jednom posetiti striptiz-klub.
- Uvek je moguće parkirati neposredno ispred zgrade koju posećujete.
- Kašalj je znak smrtonosne bolesti.
- Detektiv može rešiti slucaj samo ako je suspendovan sa dužnosti.
- Jedna šibica dovoljna je da osvetli sobu bilo koje veličine.
- Svaka brava može se u sekundi otvoriti kreditnom karticom ili spajalicom - osim ako to nisu vrata koja vode u zgradu u plamenu s detetom zarobljenim unutra.
- Nije neophodno reci "dobar dan" ili "do viđenja" kada započinjete ili završavate telefonski razgovor.
- Eiffelov toranj može se videti s bilo kog prozora u Parizu.
- Jedan čovek koji puca u dvadeset ljudi ima više šanse ubiti ih, nego dvadeset ljudi koji pucaju u jednog čoveka.
- Kuhinje nemaju prekidače za svetlo. Kad u nju ulazite noću, treba samo da otvorite vrata frižidera i koristiti njegovo svetlo kao zamenu.
- Nije važno ako ste višestruko nadbrojani u borbi koja uključuje borilačke veštine - vaši neprijatelji čekaće strpljivo da vas napadnu jedan po jedan, plešući naokolo u pretećem maniru, sve dok ne oborite njihove prethodnike.
- Majke svakog jutra pripremaju jaja, slaninu i kolače za svoga supruga i decu, iako oni nikada nemaju vremena da to pojedu.
- Policajcima se uvek dodeljuju partneri koji su njihova potpuna suprotnost
- Čak i pri vožnji po potpuno ravnom putu, neophodno je energično okretati volan s leva na desno svakih nekoliko ternutaka.
- Pošteni i radišni policajci u pravilu bivaju upucani tri dana pre penzije.
- Šef policije uvek je Crnac.
- Šef policije uvijek će suspendovati svog glavnog detektiva - ili mu dati 48 sati da završi posao.
- Ventilacioni sistem bilo koje zgrade savrseno je mesto za skrivanje. Niko nikada neće ni pomisliti da vas u njemu traži i možete bez teškoća putovati do bilo kog dela zgrade.
- Kada se suočite sa zlim međunarodnim teroristom, sarkazam i duhovitost su vase najbolje oruzje.
- Kada plaćate taksi, ne morate pogledati u novčanik dok vadite novčanicu - samo zgrabite jednu nasumce i dajte je. Biće to uvek tačan iznos cene vožnje.
- Skidanje do struka može muškarca učiniti neranjivim za metke.
- Ako na vas pucaju Nemci, sakrijte se u reku - ili, čak, u kadu; nemački meci ne mogu prodreti kroz vodu.
- Ako borave u opsednutoj kući, žene istražuju svaki neobičan zvuk u najoskudnijem rublju.
- Ako ste plavokosi i lepi, moguće je da postanete svetski stručnjak za nuklearnu fiziku sa 22 godine.
- Ako treba da ponovo napunite oružje, uvek ćete imati dovoljno municije - čak i ako je uopšte pre toga niste ni poneli.
- Ako se nađete uhvaćeni u situaciju koja se može brzo razjasniti jednostavnim objašnjenjem, za ime Boga, držite usta zatvorena!
- Ako vidite veliko staklo, neko će ubrzo biti bačen kroz njega.
- Ako vas netko juri po gradu, možete se sakriti u paradi svetog Patricka koja je - u svako doba godine.
- Ako odlucite plesati po ulici, svako na koga naiđete znaće korake.
- Kada je osoba onesveštena udarcem u glavu, on ili ona nikada neće pretrpeti potres ili oštećenje mozga.
- Kada se vozi auto, normalno je gledati - ne na put, već u osobu koja sedi pored vas ili na zadnjem sedištu, za vreme celog putovanja.
- Preživećete bilo koju bitku u bilo kom ratu, osim ako ne napravite grešku i pokažete nekome fotografiju vaše voljene kod kuće.
- Televizijske dnevne vesti obično sadrže priču koja vas lično pogađa tačno u tom trenutku.
- Lako je prizemljiti avion ako postoji neko u kontrolnom tornju da vam daje uputstva.
- Tokom svih policijskih istraga biće neophodno barem jednom posetiti striptiz-klub.
- Uvek je moguće parkirati neposredno ispred zgrade koju posećujete.
Josef Quartjin (Enemy Within):
"Zbogom Wittgendorf-e na k...c te nabijem" Sommerzeit 13. 2512.
"Zbogom Wittgendorf-e na k...c te nabijem" Sommerzeit 13. 2512.
Ide covek ulicom i ugleda dugacak sprovod. Neposredno iza lesa ide covek s psom, a malo za njim i ostali u dugackom redu. Kao dobar sugradjanin upita ozaloscenog ko mu je umro i od cega, te da mu izrazi svoje saucesce:
- E, umrla mi tasta. Ugrizao je moj pas.
- Aha, hmm, a jel' mogu ja da malo pozajmim vasega psa na dan-dva?
- Moze, nema problema. Stanite samo na kraj reda..
- E, umrla mi tasta. Ugrizao je moj pas.
- Aha, hmm, a jel' mogu ja da malo pozajmim vasega psa na dan-dva?
- Moze, nema problema. Stanite samo na kraj reda..
Srbin u Americi, koji je prebegao za vreme zadnjih ratova, posle par godina boravka, dobija na lutriji milion dolara. I naravno, kako to već tamo biva, odmah dolaze televizija, radio i ostali mediji:
- Čestitamo! Šta ćete raditi sa tolikim novcem?
- Pa, znate, vratiću dugove...
- Dobro, vratićete dugove, a šta sa ostatkom?
- A, pa za ostatak nek me sačekaju malo!
- Čestitamo! Šta ćete raditi sa tolikim novcem?
- Pa, znate, vratiću dugove...
- Dobro, vratićete dugove, a šta sa ostatkom?
- A, pa za ostatak nek me sačekaju malo!
Josef Quartjin (Enemy Within):
"Zbogom Wittgendorf-e na k...c te nabijem" Sommerzeit 13. 2512.
"Zbogom Wittgendorf-e na k...c te nabijem" Sommerzeit 13. 2512.
U stvari treba ih pogledati sve... 
I must appologize for the explosion that blew off the door of The Chamber Unbreachable, but the simultaneous emergence of seventeen demons from the book spine, caused the spiritual detonation in the soul stoned air of the room.
The whole enterprise was an experience most horrendeous. None but I could have endured it. I was almost damned twice. Even now my soul is twisted to a cork screw.
I suggest you keep the state of your soul to yourself, and inform us, instead, what you have gleamed from the Grimoire.
Hatred and prejudice will never be eradicated. And witch hunts will never be about witches. To have a scapegoat - that's the key. Humans always fear the alien, the odd. Once the mages had left Novigrad, folk turned their anger against the other races... and, as they have for ages, branded their neighbors their greatest foes.
And 'cause I was gazillionaire and I liked doing it so much, I cut that grass for free.
Glory to Arstotzka!
-
Gassalasca Jape
- Posts: 562
- Joined: Tue Nov 16, 2004 8:40 am
Idealna devojka
Izvodi iz rečnika idealne žene:
- Može li naša veza da bude više fizička? Dosadilo mi je da budemo samo prijatelji.
- Slobodno ostavi dasku podignutu, tako mi je lakše da ribam.
- Mislim da je dlakavo dupe bas sexy.
- Nemoj da bacaš te stare majice, rupe na rukavima su tako slatke.
- Neću ni da ti ga liznem, ako mi ne daš da ga progutam.
- Vau, stvarno je 25 cm!
- U ovoj haljini mi dupe izgleda suviše malo.
- Pogrešila sam, izgleda da si opet u pravu.
- Podrigivanje je baš sexy.
- Naravno da bih volela grupnjak sa tobom i mojom najboljom drugaricom.
- Što lepo ne ideš sa drugovima da gledaš striptiz?
- Ja ću da vozim... obožavam gužvu kod Sajma!
- Ta porno zvezda deluje kao fina devojka... baš bih volela da je upoznamo.
- Tako je romantično kad ga izvadiš i svršiš mi na leđima...
- 'Ajde da preskočimo onu glupu dramu sa Mel Gibsonom i da gledamo boks.
- Hej, sinoć nismo vodili ljubav!
- Razumem
- Trebalo bi više da psuješ.
- Ne znači da je ta devojka drolja samo zato što spava sa svim igračima fudbalskog kluba... možda je jednostavno druželjubiva.
- Ne prljaj nož i viljušku, jedi lepo rukama!
- O, da... u koju god rupu hoćeš!
- Dragi, jedi što više luka, to me baš pali!
- Dragi, volim te baš takvog kakav jesi, ne bih ništa kod tebe promenila!
Izvodi iz rečnika idealne žene:
- Može li naša veza da bude više fizička? Dosadilo mi je da budemo samo prijatelji.
- Slobodno ostavi dasku podignutu, tako mi je lakše da ribam.
- Mislim da je dlakavo dupe bas sexy.
- Nemoj da bacaš te stare majice, rupe na rukavima su tako slatke.
- Neću ni da ti ga liznem, ako mi ne daš da ga progutam.
- Vau, stvarno je 25 cm!
- U ovoj haljini mi dupe izgleda suviše malo.
- Pogrešila sam, izgleda da si opet u pravu.
- Podrigivanje je baš sexy.
- Naravno da bih volela grupnjak sa tobom i mojom najboljom drugaricom.
- Što lepo ne ideš sa drugovima da gledaš striptiz?
- Ja ću da vozim... obožavam gužvu kod Sajma!
- Ta porno zvezda deluje kao fina devojka... baš bih volela da je upoznamo.
- Tako je romantično kad ga izvadiš i svršiš mi na leđima...
- 'Ajde da preskočimo onu glupu dramu sa Mel Gibsonom i da gledamo boks.
- Hej, sinoć nismo vodili ljubav!
- Razumem
- Trebalo bi više da psuješ.
- Ne znači da je ta devojka drolja samo zato što spava sa svim igračima fudbalskog kluba... možda je jednostavno druželjubiva.
- Ne prljaj nož i viljušku, jedi lepo rukama!
- O, da... u koju god rupu hoćeš!
- Dragi, jedi što više luka, to me baš pali!
- Dragi, volim te baš takvog kakav jesi, ne bih ništa kod tebe promenila!
Josef Quartjin (Enemy Within):
"Zbogom Wittgendorf-e na k...c te nabijem" Sommerzeit 13. 2512.
"Zbogom Wittgendorf-e na k...c te nabijem" Sommerzeit 13. 2512.
-
lord warrior
- Server Admin
- Posts: 1169
- Joined: Wed Mar 27, 2002 9:15 pm
- Contact:
Last edited by Snake on Sun Oct 15, 2006 9:35 pm, edited 2 times in total.
So Damnation sucks where Wrath of God blows, but both of them rock
Aman wrote:Marvo citaj pravila, mrzi me da brisem vase male pogane postove...
kisici decacima
po guzici devojcicama
Scena: Kajmakcalan. Bitka: blato, krv, kisa, vetar, glad...
Jedna ceta srpske vojske zauzela neku isturenu cuku. Stiglo
naredjenje da se cuka sacuva po svaku cenu. Ali, Svaba navalio,
okruzio cuku sa tri strane, a nestalo municije i provijanta,
nije bilo nacina da se opstane vise tako. Kapetan resi da ceta
napravi proboj kroz usko grlo koje Svaba jos nije zauzeo,
da se docepa municije, pa da se nekako vrate i zadrze cuku
do daljeg.
Ali, neko mora da ostane...
- Cigo!
- Izvoli, gos'n kapetane!
- Ja sa cetom idem po municiju i hranu, a tvoj zadatak je
da sacuvas cuku kako znas i umes. Evo ti slem i tri bombe, nema vise, pa
gledaj sta ces!
- Joj, gos'n kapetane, kako cu ja...
- Tisina! To je sve sto je ostalo, evo tri bombe, evo ti slem...
- Aj' pa gos'n kapetane, ako je vec tako, bolje da mi ostavis
jednu bombu i tri slema!
- Jes' ti poludeo, Cigo? Sta ti pada na pamet?!!
- Il' tako il' nikako!
- ...Pa dobro, budalo jedna, evo ti, pa se snadji.
I krene ceta u proboj kroz koridor svapske vatre....
...
Tri dana kasnije, vraca se ostatak cete na cuku. Kad, imaju
sta da vide: na jednoj strani gomila oruzja, nabacana na kamaru.
Pored, hrpa nemackih uniformi i cizama. Na drugoj strani,
gomila svapskih vojnika cvokoce bosa i u gacama. U sredini,
sedi Ciga, pred njim tri slema:
- Ajmo, braco Nemci, poslednji pokusaj: pod kojim slemom je bomba?
Jedna ceta srpske vojske zauzela neku isturenu cuku. Stiglo
naredjenje da se cuka sacuva po svaku cenu. Ali, Svaba navalio,
okruzio cuku sa tri strane, a nestalo municije i provijanta,
nije bilo nacina da se opstane vise tako. Kapetan resi da ceta
napravi proboj kroz usko grlo koje Svaba jos nije zauzeo,
da se docepa municije, pa da se nekako vrate i zadrze cuku
do daljeg.
Ali, neko mora da ostane...
- Cigo!
- Izvoli, gos'n kapetane!
- Ja sa cetom idem po municiju i hranu, a tvoj zadatak je
da sacuvas cuku kako znas i umes. Evo ti slem i tri bombe, nema vise, pa
gledaj sta ces!
- Joj, gos'n kapetane, kako cu ja...
- Tisina! To je sve sto je ostalo, evo tri bombe, evo ti slem...
- Aj' pa gos'n kapetane, ako je vec tako, bolje da mi ostavis
jednu bombu i tri slema!
- Jes' ti poludeo, Cigo? Sta ti pada na pamet?!!
- Il' tako il' nikako!
- ...Pa dobro, budalo jedna, evo ti, pa se snadji.
I krene ceta u proboj kroz koridor svapske vatre....
...
Tri dana kasnije, vraca se ostatak cete na cuku. Kad, imaju
sta da vide: na jednoj strani gomila oruzja, nabacana na kamaru.
Pored, hrpa nemackih uniformi i cizama. Na drugoj strani,
gomila svapskih vojnika cvokoce bosa i u gacama. U sredini,
sedi Ciga, pred njim tri slema:
- Ajmo, braco Nemci, poslednji pokusaj: pod kojim slemom je bomba?
Josef Quartjin (Enemy Within):
"Zbogom Wittgendorf-e na k...c te nabijem" Sommerzeit 13. 2512.
"Zbogom Wittgendorf-e na k...c te nabijem" Sommerzeit 13. 2512.
FEMALE
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, whos not a creep,
One whos handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One wholl call, not wait for weeks.
I pray hes gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, wont be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man wholl make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend. Amen.
MALE
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store and a bass
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, whos not a creep,
One whos handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One wholl call, not wait for weeks.
I pray hes gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, wont be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man wholl make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend. Amen.
MALE
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store and a bass
Josef Quartjin (Enemy Within):
"Zbogom Wittgendorf-e na k...c te nabijem" Sommerzeit 13. 2512.
"Zbogom Wittgendorf-e na k...c te nabijem" Sommerzeit 13. 2512.
> Klinac ujutru za doruckom, pita oca:
> - Tata, sta je to politika?
> - Vidi sine. Nasa porodica je kao drzava.Ja radim, donosim kuci
novac.
> Ja sam, znaci, kapitalista.
> Mama te pare rasporedjuje i brine da imamo sve sto treba. Ona je
vlada.
> Devojka koju imamo, radi
> sve po kuci i zato je ona radnicka klasa, a deda je kao sindikat, jer
> prati kako sve funkcionise. Svi
> zelimo da tebi bude dobro i ti si narod, a tvoj bratic je
buducnost.Jesi
> shvatio?
> - Ne bas, tata, moram malo da promislim. Reci cu ti sutra.
> Decaka je tokom noci probudio plac brata koji se ukakio u pelenu.
Hteo
> je da pozove majku, ali je
> ona cvrsto spavala. Posao u sobu kucne pomocnice, kad tamo tata na
njoj.
> Deda uopste nije
> reagovao i mali se vratio u krevet. Ujutru ga tata pita da li mu je
> jasno sta je politika.
> - Naravno da jeste. Shvatio sam da kapitalisti jebu radnicku klasu,
> vlada samo spava, a sindikat je
> nezainteresovan. Na narod niko ne obraca paznju,a buducnost je u
govnima!
> - Tata, sta je to politika?
> - Vidi sine. Nasa porodica je kao drzava.Ja radim, donosim kuci
novac.
> Ja sam, znaci, kapitalista.
> Mama te pare rasporedjuje i brine da imamo sve sto treba. Ona je
vlada.
> Devojka koju imamo, radi
> sve po kuci i zato je ona radnicka klasa, a deda je kao sindikat, jer
> prati kako sve funkcionise. Svi
> zelimo da tebi bude dobro i ti si narod, a tvoj bratic je
buducnost.Jesi
> shvatio?
> - Ne bas, tata, moram malo da promislim. Reci cu ti sutra.
> Decaka je tokom noci probudio plac brata koji se ukakio u pelenu.
Hteo
> je da pozove majku, ali je
> ona cvrsto spavala. Posao u sobu kucne pomocnice, kad tamo tata na
njoj.
> Deda uopste nije
> reagovao i mali se vratio u krevet. Ujutru ga tata pita da li mu je
> jasno sta je politika.
> - Naravno da jeste. Shvatio sam da kapitalisti jebu radnicku klasu,
> vlada samo spava, a sindikat je
> nezainteresovan. Na narod niko ne obraca paznju,a buducnost je u
govnima!
"I like my women like i like my cannons: Big, Loud and full of fire"
Sad malo ja...
In the force if Yoda's so strong, construct a sentence with words in the proper order then why can't he?
Princess Leia: @(-_-)@
Yoda of Borg are we: Futile is resistance. Assimilate you, we will.
Do you prefer Spanish, French or Italian cooking? I don't mind. I want a boiled egg.
Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted: I am Napoleon! Another one said: How do you know? The first inmate said: God told me! A voice from another room shouted: I did NOT!
When God was creating the human race, he lined up all the males on one side and all the females opposite. Then he asked: Which of your species would like to urinate standing up? Well, the males went crazy, shouting that they wanted to pee standing up. 'Fine', says God, 'Women get multiple orgasms'.
37% of Americans agree that while they would hate being British, they wouldn't mind having a British accent.
Happiness is like peeing yourself, everyone can see it but only u can feel its warmth!
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 1862!
Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your beer.
In the force if Yoda's so strong, construct a sentence with words in the proper order then why can't he?
Princess Leia: @(-_-)@
Yoda of Borg are we: Futile is resistance. Assimilate you, we will.
Do you prefer Spanish, French or Italian cooking? I don't mind. I want a boiled egg.
Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted: I am Napoleon! Another one said: How do you know? The first inmate said: God told me! A voice from another room shouted: I did NOT!
When God was creating the human race, he lined up all the males on one side and all the females opposite. Then he asked: Which of your species would like to urinate standing up? Well, the males went crazy, shouting that they wanted to pee standing up. 'Fine', says God, 'Women get multiple orgasms'.
37% of Americans agree that while they would hate being British, they wouldn't mind having a British accent.
Happiness is like peeing yourself, everyone can see it but only u can feel its warmth!
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 1862!
Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your beer.
Zivotni saveti koje vam igrica Tumblebugs daje s vremena na vreme:
Buy low, sell high.
Always floss after meals. Yes, that means you.
Never hold a dust-buster and a cat at the same time.
Never trust a dog to watch your food.
Everything your mother ever warned you about is true.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
A likely impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility.
A shortcut is the longest path between two points.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having the good sense to be lazy.
If you want your spouse to pay attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill your house 4 inches deep.
A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
When you hear the toilet flush and the words ''uh oh'', it's already too late.
''Play-dough'' and ''microwave'' should not be used in the same sentence.
Everything takes longer than you think it will.
Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don't, why you should.
If you look like your passport photo you're not well enough to travel.
How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
if it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacement anyway.
Look under the sofa cushion; you will be surprised at what you find.
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and it bothers the pig.
Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
You are being watched. Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days...
The glass is either half full, half empty, or twice as big as it needs to be.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
A photographic memory is no use if it's never developed.
A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Politicians and diapers should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
A bit of hard work never killed anyone - but why risk it?
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
Never mess up an apology with an excuse.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Diplomacy is the art of saying ''good doggie'' while looking for a bigger stick.
He who laughs last probably doesn't understand the joke.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Quando omni flunkus moritati - when all else fails, play dead.
All generalisations are dangerous, even this one.
Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.
Failure is not falling down, it is not getting up again.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defence.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
If at first you don't succeed, give up, no use looking like a fool.
if at first you don't succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.
Never ever make absolute, unconditional statements.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
You can only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
When in doubt, poke it with a stick.
Buy low, sell high.
Always floss after meals. Yes, that means you.
Never hold a dust-buster and a cat at the same time.
Never trust a dog to watch your food.
Everything your mother ever warned you about is true.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
A likely impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility.
A shortcut is the longest path between two points.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having the good sense to be lazy.
If you want your spouse to pay attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill your house 4 inches deep.
A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
When you hear the toilet flush and the words ''uh oh'', it's already too late.
''Play-dough'' and ''microwave'' should not be used in the same sentence.
Everything takes longer than you think it will.
Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don't, why you should.
If you look like your passport photo you're not well enough to travel.
How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
if it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacement anyway.
Look under the sofa cushion; you will be surprised at what you find.
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and it bothers the pig.
Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
You are being watched. Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days...
The glass is either half full, half empty, or twice as big as it needs to be.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
A photographic memory is no use if it's never developed.
A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Politicians and diapers should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
A bit of hard work never killed anyone - but why risk it?
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
Never mess up an apology with an excuse.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Diplomacy is the art of saying ''good doggie'' while looking for a bigger stick.
He who laughs last probably doesn't understand the joke.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Quando omni flunkus moritati - when all else fails, play dead.
All generalisations are dangerous, even this one.
Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.
Failure is not falling down, it is not getting up again.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defence.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
If at first you don't succeed, give up, no use looking like a fool.
if at first you don't succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.
Never ever make absolute, unconditional statements.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
You can only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
When in doubt, poke it with a stick.
'Well we are wizards,' said Ridcully. 'We're supposed to meddle with things we don't understand. If we hung around waitin' till we understood things we'd never get anything done.'
Definicija minusa
Idu hladniji dani...da vidimo skalu:
+18 C Na Havajima uzimaju drugi pokrivač
+10 C U zgradama u Helsinkiju isključuju grejanje
+2 C Italijanski automobili ne mogu da upale
0 C Destilovana voda se smrzava
-1 C Dah se vidi. Rusi jedu sladoled i piju pivo.
-4 C Pas vam se uvaljuje u krevet.
-10 C Francuski automobili ne mogu da upale
-12 C Političari počinju da pričaju o beskućnicima.
-15 C Američki automobili ne mogu da upale.
-20 C Dah se čuje.
-24 C Japanski automobili ne mogu da upale.
-28 C Pas vam se uvaljuje u pidžamu.
-29 C Nemački automobili ne mogu da upale.
-30 C Ni jedan normalan automobil ne može da upali.
-36 C Ruski automobil ne može da upali.
-39 C Rusi zakopčavaju svu dugmad na kosuljama.
-50 C Automobil ti se uvaljuje u krevet.
-60 C Žitelji Helsinkija se smrzavaju. U Moskvi zakopčavaju kapute.
-70 C Smrzavaju se i u paklu. Univerzitet u Kuznjecku organizuje kros-kantri.
-72 C Advokati zavlače ruke u sopstvene džepove.
-120 C Alkohol se smrzava. Rusi zato potpuno u bedaku.
-273,15 C Apsolutna nula. Prekida se kretanje elementarnih čestica. Rus liže smrznutu vodku.
Idu hladniji dani...da vidimo skalu:
+18 C Na Havajima uzimaju drugi pokrivač
+10 C U zgradama u Helsinkiju isključuju grejanje
+2 C Italijanski automobili ne mogu da upale
0 C Destilovana voda se smrzava
-1 C Dah se vidi. Rusi jedu sladoled i piju pivo.
-4 C Pas vam se uvaljuje u krevet.
-10 C Francuski automobili ne mogu da upale
-12 C Političari počinju da pričaju o beskućnicima.
-15 C Američki automobili ne mogu da upale.
-20 C Dah se čuje.
-24 C Japanski automobili ne mogu da upale.
-28 C Pas vam se uvaljuje u pidžamu.
-29 C Nemački automobili ne mogu da upale.
-30 C Ni jedan normalan automobil ne može da upali.
-36 C Ruski automobil ne može da upali.
-39 C Rusi zakopčavaju svu dugmad na kosuljama.
-50 C Automobil ti se uvaljuje u krevet.
-60 C Žitelji Helsinkija se smrzavaju. U Moskvi zakopčavaju kapute.
-70 C Smrzavaju se i u paklu. Univerzitet u Kuznjecku organizuje kros-kantri.
-72 C Advokati zavlače ruke u sopstvene džepove.
-120 C Alkohol se smrzava. Rusi zato potpuno u bedaku.
-273,15 C Apsolutna nula. Prekida se kretanje elementarnih čestica. Rus liže smrznutu vodku.
Josef Quartjin (Enemy Within):
"Zbogom Wittgendorf-e na k...c te nabijem" Sommerzeit 13. 2512.
"Zbogom Wittgendorf-e na k...c te nabijem" Sommerzeit 13. 2512.
> Jedan hipik ulazi u autobus
> i tamo primjecuje jednu slatku casnu sestru.
>
> Hipik sijeda pored nje i pita je
> "Hoces li voditi ljubav samnom?"
>
> "Ne" odgovara casna sestra
> "Ja sam udata za Boga",zatim se digne i izadje na sljedecoj stanici.
>
> Tada progovori vozac autobusa koji je cuo citavu konverzaciju
> "Ja znam kako mozes privoliti casnu sestru da vodi
> ljubav sa tobom?"
>
> " Stvarno?",
> "Kako?"-upita hipik.
>
> "Svakog utorka tacno u ponoc
> ona odlazi na groblje da se moli, tako da jedino sto imas uraditi je
da
obuces neki dugacki mantil
> sa kapuljacom,
> pomazes bradu briljantinom i tvrdis da si Bog".
>
> Hipik se odlucuje da proba i pojavljuje se na groblju u utorak vece,
maskiran kako mu je vozac
> predlozio.
> "To sam ja,Bog!"
> prestavlja se hipik casnoj sestri povlaceci kapuljacu dublje prema
licu.
> "Vodi ljubav samnom!"
>
> Casna sestra pristaje ne pitajuci nista, ali ga moli da
> se zadovolji samo analnim sexom jer niposto nesmije da
> izgubi nevinost.
>
> "Bog"i casna sestra vode ljubav i kada su zavrsili on se uspravlja i
skida
kapuljacu sa glave
> govoreci
> "Ha-ha-ha!! To sam ja Hipik "
>
> "Ha-ha-ha! uzvraca casna sestra.
> "To sam ja,vozac autobusa!"
> i tamo primjecuje jednu slatku casnu sestru.
>
> Hipik sijeda pored nje i pita je
> "Hoces li voditi ljubav samnom?"
>
> "Ne" odgovara casna sestra
> "Ja sam udata za Boga",zatim se digne i izadje na sljedecoj stanici.
>
> Tada progovori vozac autobusa koji je cuo citavu konverzaciju
> "Ja znam kako mozes privoliti casnu sestru da vodi
> ljubav sa tobom?"
>
> " Stvarno?",
> "Kako?"-upita hipik.
>
> "Svakog utorka tacno u ponoc
> ona odlazi na groblje da se moli, tako da jedino sto imas uraditi je
da
obuces neki dugacki mantil
> sa kapuljacom,
> pomazes bradu briljantinom i tvrdis da si Bog".
>
> Hipik se odlucuje da proba i pojavljuje se na groblju u utorak vece,
maskiran kako mu je vozac
> predlozio.
> "To sam ja,Bog!"
> prestavlja se hipik casnoj sestri povlaceci kapuljacu dublje prema
licu.
> "Vodi ljubav samnom!"
>
> Casna sestra pristaje ne pitajuci nista, ali ga moli da
> se zadovolji samo analnim sexom jer niposto nesmije da
> izgubi nevinost.
>
> "Bog"i casna sestra vode ljubav i kada su zavrsili on se uspravlja i
skida
kapuljacu sa glave
> govoreci
> "Ha-ha-ha!! To sam ja Hipik "
>
> "Ha-ha-ha! uzvraca casna sestra.
> "To sam ja,vozac autobusa!"
"I like my women like i like my cannons: Big, Loud and full of fire"
Zahvalnost
Dobio Jevrejin na lutriji 10 miliona evra. Pitaju ga šta će da uradi sa tolikim parama.
- Pa znate, imam veliku porodicu, njima 3 miliona. Onda za ujedinjenje Izraela 2 miliona i Nemcima 5 miliona.
- Zašto pobogu Nemcima 5.000.000?
Jevrejin zasuče rukav i kaže
- Pa moram, oni mi dali brojeve...
Dobio Jevrejin na lutriji 10 miliona evra. Pitaju ga šta će da uradi sa tolikim parama.
- Pa znate, imam veliku porodicu, njima 3 miliona. Onda za ujedinjenje Izraela 2 miliona i Nemcima 5 miliona.
- Zašto pobogu Nemcima 5.000.000?
Jevrejin zasuče rukav i kaže
- Pa moram, oni mi dali brojeve...
Josef Quartjin (Enemy Within):
"Zbogom Wittgendorf-e na k...c te nabijem" Sommerzeit 13. 2512.
"Zbogom Wittgendorf-e na k...c te nabijem" Sommerzeit 13. 2512.
-
srebrni vitez
- Posts: 472
- Joined: Tue Jan 25, 2005 4:41 pm
- Location: Stojni Beograd
Posle nekoliko meseci "služenja narodu", vojniku stiže pismo od njegove devojke:
Dragi Mišo,
Teško mi je što moram da ti to kažem na ovakav način dok si u vojsci, ali bojim se da naša veza više ne može da izdrži ovakvu razdvojenost. Bilo mi je teško bez tebe, samoj, počela sam malo da izlazim i onda, reč po reč, zaljubila sam se u drugog dečka i sada sam sa njim.
Smatram da ne bi bilo u redu da se više zavaravamo i da je život u laži nešto što ni ti ni ja ne bismo prihvatili. Zato sam ti, ma koliko znam da će ti biti teško, morala napisati ovo pismo. Izvini, ali nadam se da ćeš razumeti da je ovako najbolje.
Puno pozdrava i (sada samo prijateljski) poljubac, Marina
PS Molim te vrati mi moju sliku koju sam ti dala pred polazak u vojsku.
Vojnik pao u bedak, kunjao nekoliko dana po kasarni i najzad mu padne na pamet... rastrči se okolo i od svakog vojnika-sapatnika izmoli po neku fotografiju, njihovih devojki, sestara, rođaka, našla se tu i poneka pevačica... Skupi on tako nekih 50 fotografija, doda Marininu sliku i sve to pošalje u kovertu sa propratnim pismom:
Draga Marina,
Hvala ti za tvoje pismo, sve razumem... Što se tiče slike, nema problema, ali iskreno da ti kažem više se uopšte ne sećam koja ti beše. Zato te molim da pronađeš svoju sliku i zadržiš je, a da mi ostale vratiš. Miša
Dragi Mišo,
Teško mi je što moram da ti to kažem na ovakav način dok si u vojsci, ali bojim se da naša veza više ne može da izdrži ovakvu razdvojenost. Bilo mi je teško bez tebe, samoj, počela sam malo da izlazim i onda, reč po reč, zaljubila sam se u drugog dečka i sada sam sa njim.
Smatram da ne bi bilo u redu da se više zavaravamo i da je život u laži nešto što ni ti ni ja ne bismo prihvatili. Zato sam ti, ma koliko znam da će ti biti teško, morala napisati ovo pismo. Izvini, ali nadam se da ćeš razumeti da je ovako najbolje.
Puno pozdrava i (sada samo prijateljski) poljubac, Marina
PS Molim te vrati mi moju sliku koju sam ti dala pred polazak u vojsku.
Vojnik pao u bedak, kunjao nekoliko dana po kasarni i najzad mu padne na pamet... rastrči se okolo i od svakog vojnika-sapatnika izmoli po neku fotografiju, njihovih devojki, sestara, rođaka, našla se tu i poneka pevačica... Skupi on tako nekih 50 fotografija, doda Marininu sliku i sve to pošalje u kovertu sa propratnim pismom:
Draga Marina,
Hvala ti za tvoje pismo, sve razumem... Što se tiče slike, nema problema, ali iskreno da ti kažem više se uopšte ne sećam koja ti beše. Zato te molim da pronađeš svoju sliku i zadržiš je, a da mi ostale vratiš. Miša
Josef Quartjin (Enemy Within):
"Zbogom Wittgendorf-e na k...c te nabijem" Sommerzeit 13. 2512.
"Zbogom Wittgendorf-e na k...c te nabijem" Sommerzeit 13. 2512.
:lol:-
sto mu gromova
- Posts: 1089
- Joined: Sun Oct 23, 2005 3:29 pm
- Location: blok 21
Da da fala fala 
8) :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
nego evo jos nekih zivotnih situacija
Plavusa, crnka i riđokosa rade zajedno, za istu šeficu koja uvek ranije ode s posla. Jednom kaže brineta:
- Hej, ribe! Idemo i mi danas ranije kući. Šefica sigurno neće saznati!
I tako one odu ranije. Brineta ode u grad i završi neke privatne poslove. Riđa ode na pićence sa dečkom a plavuša ode pravo kucii tamo zatekne svog muža "u akciji", i to ništa manje nego sa svojom šeficom. Tiho se plavuša iskrade da je ne čuju i vrati se na posao, gde ostane do kraja radnog vremena.
Sutradan razgovaraju sve tri... Počinje crnka:
- Stvarno je bilo super!
- Slažem se, potvrdi riđa, - Moramo ovo i danas da ponovimo.
- Nema šanse, kaže plavuša, - Mene šefica zamalo nije uhvatila!
8) :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: nego evo jos nekih zivotnih situacija
Plavusa, crnka i riđokosa rade zajedno, za istu šeficu koja uvek ranije ode s posla. Jednom kaže brineta:
- Hej, ribe! Idemo i mi danas ranije kući. Šefica sigurno neće saznati!
I tako one odu ranije. Brineta ode u grad i završi neke privatne poslove. Riđa ode na pićence sa dečkom a plavuša ode pravo kucii tamo zatekne svog muža "u akciji", i to ništa manje nego sa svojom šeficom. Tiho se plavuša iskrade da je ne čuju i vrati se na posao, gde ostane do kraja radnog vremena.
Sutradan razgovaraju sve tri... Počinje crnka:
- Stvarno je bilo super!
- Slažem se, potvrdi riđa, - Moramo ovo i danas da ponovimo.
- Nema šanse, kaže plavuša, - Mene šefica zamalo nije uhvatila!
Josef Quartjin (Enemy Within):
"Zbogom Wittgendorf-e na k...c te nabijem" Sommerzeit 13. 2512.
"Zbogom Wittgendorf-e na k...c te nabijem" Sommerzeit 13. 2512.
M A N
If you don't let him kiss you, you don't love him
If you let him, he thinks you are cheap
If you praise him, he thinks you are pressuring him
If you don't, he thinks you don't care
If you agree to all his wants, he is abusing
If you don't, you are not understanding
If you want to be romantic, he thinks you want a sugar daddy
If you don't, you are plain and boring
If you visit him too often, he thinks you want to get married
If you don't, he worries about new boyfriends
If you put makeup on, he accuses you of flirting
If you don't, he thinks you look like a housewife
If you are jealous, he believes "It's natural for men"
If you don't, he thinks "He can have his cake and eat it too"
If you want a gift of flowers, he thinks "Its a waste of money"
If you don't, he thinks you don't deserve it
If you come early, he thinks you are an irony lady
If you don't, he thinks "That's a girl's way"
If you want an ambitious man, you are pushy
If you don't, you don't care about his future
If you help him out, his ego is injured
If you don't, his feelings are hurt
If you make more money than him, he cannot marry you
If you don't make any, he wants someone else
If he make a suggestion, he wants you to agree
If you don't, you are being difficult
If you say "no", he thinks you mean "try again"
If you don't, he has no respect for you
O Lord!! We are just humans like our fellow "MEN"
Why can't we get along?
Don't we deserve respect just like them?
Our wants are simple, tender loving care and respect.
AMEN.
WOMAN
If you kiss her, you are not a gentlemen
If you don't, you are not a man
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don't, you are good for nothing
If you agree to all her likes, she is abusing
If you don't, you are not understanding
If you make romance, you are an 'experience man'
If you don't, you are half a man
If you visit her too often, she thinks it is boring
If you don't, she accuses you of double crossing
If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you don't, you are a dull boy
If you are jealous, she says it's bad
If you don't, she thinks you don't love her
If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her
If you don't, she thinks you don't like her
If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
If she is late, she says "That's a girl's way"
If you visit another, she accuses you of being a heel
If she is visited by another, 'Oh! it's natural, we are girls'
If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
If you kiss her too many, she yells that you are taking advantage
If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics
If you do, she thinks it's just one of the man's tactics
If you stare at other, she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by others, she says that they are just admiring
If she talks, she wants you to listen
If you listen, she wants you to talk
Oh God!! You created those creatures called "WOMAN"
So simple, yet so complex
So weak, yet so powerful
So confusing, yet so desirable
"O Lord, tell me what to do, AMEN."
If you don't let him kiss you, you don't love him
If you let him, he thinks you are cheap
If you praise him, he thinks you are pressuring him
If you don't, he thinks you don't care
If you agree to all his wants, he is abusing
If you don't, you are not understanding
If you want to be romantic, he thinks you want a sugar daddy
If you don't, you are plain and boring
If you visit him too often, he thinks you want to get married
If you don't, he worries about new boyfriends
If you put makeup on, he accuses you of flirting
If you don't, he thinks you look like a housewife
If you are jealous, he believes "It's natural for men"
If you don't, he thinks "He can have his cake and eat it too"
If you want a gift of flowers, he thinks "Its a waste of money"
If you don't, he thinks you don't deserve it
If you come early, he thinks you are an irony lady
If you don't, he thinks "That's a girl's way"
If you want an ambitious man, you are pushy
If you don't, you don't care about his future
If you help him out, his ego is injured
If you don't, his feelings are hurt
If you make more money than him, he cannot marry you
If you don't make any, he wants someone else
If he make a suggestion, he wants you to agree
If you don't, you are being difficult
If you say "no", he thinks you mean "try again"
If you don't, he has no respect for you
O Lord!! We are just humans like our fellow "MEN"
Why can't we get along?
Don't we deserve respect just like them?
Our wants are simple, tender loving care and respect.
AMEN.
WOMAN
If you kiss her, you are not a gentlemen
If you don't, you are not a man
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don't, you are good for nothing
If you agree to all her likes, she is abusing
If you don't, you are not understanding
If you make romance, you are an 'experience man'
If you don't, you are half a man
If you visit her too often, she thinks it is boring
If you don't, she accuses you of double crossing
If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you don't, you are a dull boy
If you are jealous, she says it's bad
If you don't, she thinks you don't love her
If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her
If you don't, she thinks you don't like her
If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
If she is late, she says "That's a girl's way"
If you visit another, she accuses you of being a heel
If she is visited by another, 'Oh! it's natural, we are girls'
If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
If you kiss her too many, she yells that you are taking advantage
If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics
If you do, she thinks it's just one of the man's tactics
If you stare at other, she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by others, she says that they are just admiring
If she talks, she wants you to listen
If you listen, she wants you to talk
Oh God!! You created those creatures called "WOMAN"
So simple, yet so complex
So weak, yet so powerful
So confusing, yet so desirable
"O Lord, tell me what to do, AMEN."
So Damnation sucks where Wrath of God blows, but both of them rock
Aman wrote:Marvo citaj pravila, mrzi me da brisem vase male pogane postove...
kisici decacima
po guzici devojcicama
*****A Day in the Life of a Dog******
6:00 a.m.-6:15 a.m. Squeals and whines to be let out of the house.
6:16 a.m. Rushes to garden in search of cats.
6:20 a.m. No cats. Turns attention to newly planted bulbs.
6:21 a.m. Digs up bulbs.
6:30 a.m. Barks to come inside.
6:32 a.m. Barks again - more loudly.
6:35 a.m. To be sure all within twenty miles have heard,
barks again.
6:40 a.m. Back door opens. Enters house. Listens to make
sure everyone in the house is now awake. Jumps
on chair and goes to sleep.
8:00 a.m. Food sounds from kitchen. Wakes and goes to
investigate. Hangs around chair of youngest human.
Catches most food before it hits the floor.
8:32 a.m. Back to sleep.
9:30 a.m. Mail arrives. Waits for door to open and chases
letter carrier.
9:45 a.m. Sleep.
10:45 a.m. Sleep.
11:00 a.m. Vacuum cleaner switched on. Leaps from chair and
flees sound. Goes to another room. Sleeps.
12:30 p.m. Lunch sounds from kitchen. Scurries past newly
filled dog dish. Arrives first at table. Waits
for food to drop from table. None. Goes to dog
dish filled with food the TV ad says is irresistible
to dogs. Sniffs. Looks around to make sure
there's nothing better. Sighs. Eats.
1:30 p.m. Whines at door to go out.
1:35 p.m. Whines at door to come in.
1:40 p.m. Hears friend barking outside. Whines to go out again.
1:45 p.m. Door opens. Leaps from house and joins friends
chasing cars.
2:45 p.m. Still chasing cars, with the odd cat thrown in for
variety.
3:00 p.m. Decides to call on girl-friend up the street. She is
sleeping.
3:05 p.m. Good Idea. Goes home and does the same.
4:00 p.m. Children arrive home from school. Dog barks, yells,
goes crazy. Told to calm down. Barks and yells
some more.
4:07 p.m. Grabbed by collar and thrown out of the house.
4:09 p.m. After barking fails to open door, decides to call on
girl-friend once more. She has gone out. Runs to park.
Finds another girl.
6:00 p.m. Dinner time. Hurries home.
6:10 p.m. Before door opens, lowers head and adopts pitiful
appearance.
6:11 p.m. Doesn't work. "Get in here and where the hell have
you been?"
6:12 p.m. Hides under dinner table.
6:55 p.m. Hears rattle of leash. Leaps off best chair and
rushes to front door.
7:17 p.m. At the park. Leash still attached. Sits quietly.
Leash released. Goes Bananas.
7:55 p.m. Off leash.
8:22 p.m. Off leash.
8:55 p.m. Off leash.
9:15 p.m. Owner asks if anyone has seen dog.
9:45 p.m. Owner in luck. Someone has seen a dog swimming in
nearby lake.
10:00 p.m. Back on leash. Shakes self over owner.
10:05 p.m. Dragged back into house.
10:15 p.m. Settles down in front of TV.
10:35 p.m. Barks to go outside.
10:40 p.m. Barks loudly to come back inside.
10:45 p.m. Barks again before owner can open door. Neighbour
shouts that baby is trying to sleep. Also advises
what owner should do with dog.
10:46 p.m. Dog barks very loudly in the direction of
neighbour's voice.
10:50 p.m. Door opens. Dog rushes upstairs to bedroom. Hides
under bed. Owner leaves. Dog leaps on bed. Sleeps.
6:00 a.m.-6:15 a.m. Squeals and whines to be let out of the house.
6:16 a.m. Rushes to garden in search of cats.
6:20 a.m. No cats. Turns attention to newly planted bulbs.
6:21 a.m. Digs up bulbs.
6:30 a.m. Barks to come inside.
6:32 a.m. Barks again - more loudly.
6:35 a.m. To be sure all within twenty miles have heard,
barks again.
6:40 a.m. Back door opens. Enters house. Listens to make
sure everyone in the house is now awake. Jumps
on chair and goes to sleep.
8:00 a.m. Food sounds from kitchen. Wakes and goes to
investigate. Hangs around chair of youngest human.
Catches most food before it hits the floor.
8:32 a.m. Back to sleep.
9:30 a.m. Mail arrives. Waits for door to open and chases
letter carrier.
9:45 a.m. Sleep.
10:45 a.m. Sleep.
11:00 a.m. Vacuum cleaner switched on. Leaps from chair and
flees sound. Goes to another room. Sleeps.
12:30 p.m. Lunch sounds from kitchen. Scurries past newly
filled dog dish. Arrives first at table. Waits
for food to drop from table. None. Goes to dog
dish filled with food the TV ad says is irresistible
to dogs. Sniffs. Looks around to make sure
there's nothing better. Sighs. Eats.
1:30 p.m. Whines at door to go out.
1:35 p.m. Whines at door to come in.
1:40 p.m. Hears friend barking outside. Whines to go out again.
1:45 p.m. Door opens. Leaps from house and joins friends
chasing cars.
2:45 p.m. Still chasing cars, with the odd cat thrown in for
variety.
3:00 p.m. Decides to call on girl-friend up the street. She is
sleeping.
3:05 p.m. Good Idea. Goes home and does the same.
4:00 p.m. Children arrive home from school. Dog barks, yells,
goes crazy. Told to calm down. Barks and yells
some more.
4:07 p.m. Grabbed by collar and thrown out of the house.
4:09 p.m. After barking fails to open door, decides to call on
girl-friend once more. She has gone out. Runs to park.
Finds another girl.
6:00 p.m. Dinner time. Hurries home.
6:10 p.m. Before door opens, lowers head and adopts pitiful
appearance.
6:11 p.m. Doesn't work. "Get in here and where the hell have
you been?"
6:12 p.m. Hides under dinner table.
6:55 p.m. Hears rattle of leash. Leaps off best chair and
rushes to front door.
7:17 p.m. At the park. Leash still attached. Sits quietly.
Leash released. Goes Bananas.
7:55 p.m. Off leash.
8:22 p.m. Off leash.
8:55 p.m. Off leash.
9:15 p.m. Owner asks if anyone has seen dog.
9:45 p.m. Owner in luck. Someone has seen a dog swimming in
nearby lake.
10:00 p.m. Back on leash. Shakes self over owner.
10:05 p.m. Dragged back into house.
10:15 p.m. Settles down in front of TV.
10:35 p.m. Barks to go outside.
10:40 p.m. Barks loudly to come back inside.
10:45 p.m. Barks again before owner can open door. Neighbour
shouts that baby is trying to sleep. Also advises
what owner should do with dog.
10:46 p.m. Dog barks very loudly in the direction of
neighbour's voice.
10:50 p.m. Door opens. Dog rushes upstairs to bedroom. Hides
under bed. Owner leaves. Dog leaps on bed. Sleeps.
So Damnation sucks where Wrath of God blows, but both of them rock
Aman wrote:Marvo citaj pravila, mrzi me da brisem vase male pogane postove...
kisici decacima
po guzici devojcicama
Abort, Retry, Ignore?
(To the meter of "The Raven" by Edgar Allen Poe...)
Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary,
System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor,
Longing for the warmth of bedsheets,
Still I sat there, doing spreadsheets:
Having reached the bottom line,
I took a floppy from the drawer.
Typing with a steady hand, I then invoked the SAVE command
But got instead a reprimand: it read "Abort, Retry, Ignore."
Was this some occult illusion? Some maniacal intrusion?
These were choices Solomon himself had never faced before.
Carefully, I weighed my options.
These three seemed to be the top ones.
Clearly, I must now adopt one:
Choose Abort, Retry, Ignore.
With my fingers pale and trembling,
Slowly toward the keyboard bending,
Longing for a happy ending, hoping all would be restored,
Praying for some guarantee
Finally I pressed a key -
But on the screen what did I see?
Again: "Abort, Retry, Ignore."
I tried to catch the chips off-guard -
I pressed again, but twice as hard.
Luck was just not in the cards.
I saw what I had seen before.
Now I typed in desperation
Trying random combinations
Still there came the incantation:
Choose: Abort, Retry, Ignore.
There I sat, distraught, exhausted, by my own machine accosted
Getting up I turned away and paced across the office floor.
And then I saw an awful sight:
A bold and blinding flash of light -
A lightning bolt had cut the night and shook me to my very core.
I saw the screen collapse and die
"Oh no - my database," I cried.
I thought I heard a voice reply,
"You'll see your data Nevermore."
To this day I do not know
The place to which lost data goes.
I bet it goes to heaven where the angels have it stored.
But, as for productivity, well
I fear that it goes straight to hell.
And that's the tale I have to tell.
Your choice: Abort, Retry, Ignore.
(To the meter of "The Raven" by Edgar Allen Poe...)
Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary,
System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor,
Longing for the warmth of bedsheets,
Still I sat there, doing spreadsheets:
Having reached the bottom line,
I took a floppy from the drawer.
Typing with a steady hand, I then invoked the SAVE command
But got instead a reprimand: it read "Abort, Retry, Ignore."
Was this some occult illusion? Some maniacal intrusion?
These were choices Solomon himself had never faced before.
Carefully, I weighed my options.
These three seemed to be the top ones.
Clearly, I must now adopt one:
Choose Abort, Retry, Ignore.
With my fingers pale and trembling,
Slowly toward the keyboard bending,
Longing for a happy ending, hoping all would be restored,
Praying for some guarantee
Finally I pressed a key -
But on the screen what did I see?
Again: "Abort, Retry, Ignore."
I tried to catch the chips off-guard -
I pressed again, but twice as hard.
Luck was just not in the cards.
I saw what I had seen before.
Now I typed in desperation
Trying random combinations
Still there came the incantation:
Choose: Abort, Retry, Ignore.
There I sat, distraught, exhausted, by my own machine accosted
Getting up I turned away and paced across the office floor.
And then I saw an awful sight:
A bold and blinding flash of light -
A lightning bolt had cut the night and shook me to my very core.
I saw the screen collapse and die
"Oh no - my database," I cried.
I thought I heard a voice reply,
"You'll see your data Nevermore."
To this day I do not know
The place to which lost data goes.
I bet it goes to heaven where the angels have it stored.
But, as for productivity, well
I fear that it goes straight to hell.
And that's the tale I have to tell.
Your choice: Abort, Retry, Ignore.
So Damnation sucks where Wrath of God blows, but both of them rock
Aman wrote:Marvo citaj pravila, mrzi me da brisem vase male pogane postove...
kisici decacima
po guzici devojcicama
-
Hypodermic
- Blago kluba Zmaj
- Posts: 3887
- Joined: Sat Nov 19, 2005 10:46 am
- Location: Tehnodrom
- Contact:
Qoute the TechSupport: Nevermore
Svaka cast na pesmici.
Svaka cast na pesmici.
Pendargon wrote:...po toj logici, mogao bih da isecem lepih 10 kockastih komada stiropora, na devet zalepim bolter i bolt pistolj, i granate, i mali nozic, jednom zalepim powerfist da viri, a na jednog zakacim lasscannon, i imam savrsenu jedinicu chaos space marinaca....
:badger: :badger: :badger:
Pesmica zakiva . . .
Ali su MAN/WOMAN i DOG pricice lose . . .
Ali su MAN/WOMAN i DOG pricice lose . . .
There is no problem a cannon* can't solve.
*Zbog promene sistema koji igram, ovo treba citati kao "combined late US veteran artillery barage of 12 or more barrels with first roll to range in success"Dzon Vejn wrote:Ali uopste nije poenta u tome... poenta je da ti:
1. Nemas veru u Sigmara, i zato ti Hellblaster ne radi protiv goblina, kostura, itd.
2. Verujes u tamo neke tenkove, i ostale alternativne metodologije imperijalne borbe, dok je u stvarnosti Hellblaster osnova svega :D - dakle topovi, mortari, handugnneri, tenkovi - to sve dodje i prodje; jedino je Hellblaster siguran posao
One day, a general of the army, an admiral, and an air
force general are having an argument about whose branch
of the military is braver.
So the admiral yells to a passing sailor, "Sailor, catch
that falling anchor!"
The sailor snaps to attention, shouts, "Yes, sir!", runs
under the anchor, and is crushed to death trying to catch it.
The admiral turns to the others and says, "Gentlemen, that
was bravery."
The army general says, "That's nothing," and yells, "Private,
stop that moving tank!"
The private snaps to attention, shouts, "Yes, sir!" and is
crushed under the tank while trying to stop it.
The army general turns back to the others and says,
"Gentlemen, that took guts."
Finally, the air force general takes his turn. "Airman,
catch that landing plane."
The airman snaps to attention and shouts "F*ck you, sir."
The air force general turns to the others and says,
"Gentlemen, _that_ took balls."
force general are having an argument about whose branch
of the military is braver.
So the admiral yells to a passing sailor, "Sailor, catch
that falling anchor!"
The sailor snaps to attention, shouts, "Yes, sir!", runs
under the anchor, and is crushed to death trying to catch it.
The admiral turns to the others and says, "Gentlemen, that
was bravery."
The army general says, "That's nothing," and yells, "Private,
stop that moving tank!"
The private snaps to attention, shouts, "Yes, sir!" and is
crushed under the tank while trying to stop it.
The army general turns back to the others and says,
"Gentlemen, that took guts."
Finally, the air force general takes his turn. "Airman,
catch that landing plane."
The airman snaps to attention and shouts "F*ck you, sir."
The air force general turns to the others and says,
"Gentlemen, _that_ took balls."
So Damnation sucks where Wrath of God blows, but both of them rock
Aman wrote:Marvo citaj pravila, mrzi me da brisem vase male pogane postove...
kisici decacima
po guzici devojcicama
WHY BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN
1. You can enjoy a beer any day of the month.
2. You can have two (or more) different beers the same night
(or even at the same time) and no one will complain.
3. You can finish with a beer in as much or as little time as you
like. You can even stop halfway through without having to
apologize.
4. Compared to a woman, beer actually tastes good.
5. (Best of all) A beer will never come at you will a fillet knife
after you've done with it and are sleeping it off.
1. You can enjoy a beer any day of the month.
2. You can have two (or more) different beers the same night
(or even at the same time) and no one will complain.
3. You can finish with a beer in as much or as little time as you
like. You can even stop halfway through without having to
apologize.
4. Compared to a woman, beer actually tastes good.
5. (Best of all) A beer will never come at you will a fillet knife
after you've done with it and are sleeping it off.
So Damnation sucks where Wrath of God blows, but both of them rock
Aman wrote:Marvo citaj pravila, mrzi me da brisem vase male pogane postove...
kisici decacima
po guzici devojcicama
-
Hypodermic
- Blago kluba Zmaj
- Posts: 3887
- Joined: Sat Nov 19, 2005 10:46 am
- Location: Tehnodrom
- Contact:
Sta, samo pet? Daj potrudi se bolje ima barem 101 razlog zasto je pivo bolje od zene :P
Pendargon wrote:...po toj logici, mogao bih da isecem lepih 10 kockastih komada stiropora, na devet zalepim bolter i bolt pistolj, i granate, i mali nozic, jednom zalepim powerfist da viri, a na jednog zakacim lasscannon, i imam savrsenu jedinicu chaos space marinaca....
:badger: :badger: :badger: