teclis wrote:
.. You start to dig in the garden, searching for "Skavenblight"
Ahahahahhahaa... \:D/
Ucitelj pita đake:
- "Ako od Novog Sada do Beograda ima 80 km, a od Subotice do Novog Sada 100 km, koliko onda ja imam godina?"
Jedan djak se odmah javi i kaze 44 godine.
- "Tacno", kaze ucitelj: "a kako si to izracunao?"
- "Lako, ja kod kuce imam polu ludog brata, a on ima 22 godine."
Malo foto humora, slika ipak govori kao hiljadu reci:
Pendargon wrote:...po toj logici, mogao bih da isecem lepih 10 kockastih komada stiropora, na devet zalepim bolter i bolt pistolj, i granate, i mali nozic, jednom zalepim powerfist da viri, a na jednog zakacim lasscannon, i imam savrsenu jedinicu chaos space marinaca....
Poslao mi kolega danas.
Bata Zivojinovic i Chuck Noriss:
> Bata je sa jugom 45 osvojio formulu 1.
> Šta Chuck Norris radi u Srbiji. Sklekove. Pod nadzorom Bate Živojinovića.
> Bati Živojinoviću su svirali i pevali Betoven i Šopen kad je bio mali.
> Bata Zivojinovic je bio pilot oba aviona koja su se zapucala u world trade center 11. septembra
> Bata Živojinović ume da napravi kolač u tiganju.
> Jednom se Bata Živojinović šetao ulicom. Onda je video Chucka Norrisa kako divlja. Bata mu je prišao i uhvatio za uvo i izdrao se na njega: JEL' SAM TE TAKO VASPITAO, A!?
> Bata Živojinović ima vrbu na kojoj rađa grožđe.
> Bog je ljudima omogucio kupovinu iz fotelje.Bati je omogucio ubijanje nemaca iz fotelje
> Bata Zivojinovic moze da napravi sutke na jazz concertu
> Bata Živojinović je oborio F117, nevidljivog
> Bata Živojinović je naučio Chucka Norrisa da se bije.
> Kao Valter je odbranio Sarajevo jednom rukom…drugom je drzao most na
> Miljacki da raja moze da se vrati kuci.
> Bata Živojinović može da isprži kajganu pogledom.
> Bata je bio u gasnoj komori, cevi sa plinom su izdrzale 20 minuta
> Bata je otac nemacke nacije. Svima im je jebao kevu
> U Nemačkoj su podigli spomenik Bati Živojinoviću, da Bata slučajno ne
> bi pomislio da su mu zamerili što ih je toliko pobio. Kada bi to pomislio, Nemačka bi se opet raspala na istočnu i zapadnu, ali ovaj put fizički!
> Bata Živojinović je ubio 100 Nemaca jednim metkom, i to ćorkom.
> Kad Bati Živojinoviću nesstane municije u mitraljezu Nemci nastave da padaju mrtvi. Boje se da mu ne pokvare zabavu, pošto tek onda nastaje pičvajz
> Chuck Norris nije priznao nezavisnost Kosova jer zna da u Srbiji živi Bata Živojinović.
> Bata moze da nacrta trougao sestarom
> Postoje samo 4 jahača apokalipse. Bata voli da pešači.
> Bata Živojinović ne obara ruke. On ih lomi!
> Bata Živojinović može da napravi mušku i žensku špagu. U isto vreme.
> Kad je Chuck Norris šutnuo konja u bradu nastala je žirafa. Kada je Bata Živojinović šutnuo konja u bradu nastao je pegaz.
> Bata Živojinović je odbio ulogu u prvom filmu o Džejms Bondu pod izgovorom da je lik koga bi trebalo da tumači isuviše isfeminiziran.
> Bati Živojinoviću se i ležeći policajci sklanjaju sa puta.
> Najpopularniji svetski glumac,osim nekoliko miliona Srba,obozava ga i cela milijarda Kineza.Shvabe je jednom skenjao,a da je malo mladji ni Ameri se ne bi toliko kurchili..
> Chuck Norris može da digne planinu. Bata Živojinović može da digne Chucka Norrisa… zajedno sa planinom.
> Bata je počeo da glumi kad su PRESTALI sa pravljenjem partizanskih filmova. Do tada je samo održavao svoju prirodnu kvotu od sto mrtvih nemaca na dan.
> Bata moze da iscedi suvu drenovinu iz Kraljevica Marka
> Bata može da žonglira Čaka Norisa, Brus Lija i Godzilu. Jednom rukom!
> "Vaspitna čvrga" je termin koji je Bata koristio za metak prilikom "ućutkavanja" Švaba. Svakom Švabanezeru lupio sam po jednu vaspitnu čvrgu u glavu. Sad su mirni.
> Čovek sa najviše hedšotova na svetu.
> Covek koji je ubio vise nemaca od crvene armije. Takođe je i glavni takmac Rambu i Van Damu.
> Bata Živojinović ume da pimpuje sa tri lopte odjednom.
> Chuck Norris može da zalupi rotirajuća vrata. Bata Živojinović može da zalupi Chucka Norrisa o rotirajuća vrata.
> Chuck Norrisove suze mogu da izleče rak. Zbog Bate Živojinovića rak je iskorenjen.
> Chuck Norris pretrči 100m za 9 sekundi. Bata Živojinović pređe 100m iz troskoka bez zatrčavanja.
> Bata Živojinović ume da se gađa tramvajima.
> Bez problema kida Federera na travi, i to stapom za golf.
> Covek cija je smrt poslednja zelja Adolfa Hitlera…"Ubijte mi…
> Batu… kah… kah… ZIVOJINOVICA…"
> Bog na nebu, Bata Zivojinovic na zemlji
> Kad profesionalno ubija Nemce, to radi smajserom, kad mu je dosadno, koristi pikado
> Kapitalizam se razvija u ovoj zemlji samo zato što Bati još niko nije rekao da je komunizam ukinut. Niko nije skupio hrabrost.
> Bata Živojinović je znao kako će se završiti "Odiseja u svemiru 2001″ još u prvoj sceni, i skroz je skapirao kraj.
> Jedini razlog zašto Chuck Norris nije pobio sve ljude na Zemlji je taj što sluša naređenja od Bate Živojinovića.
> Bata Zivojinovic drzi Velikog brata na oku
> Bata Živojinović je glumio u filmu "Čarobnjak iz Oza". Glumio je uragan koji je odneo kuću Doroti Gejl.
> Bata Živojinović ume da lizne sopstveni lakat.
> Bata, kada se uželi pucanja u nemačke okupatore, ode do Rajfajzen banke i pobije par šefova. Oni koje ne pobije samo mu se zahvale što ih je poštedeo.
> Bata je trebalo da glumi Supermena, ali je odustao posto mu ta uloga nije bila nikakav glumački izazov.
> Bata je Srbin sa kineskim drzavljanstvom
> Bata je Drugu Titu isao na sahranu 350km peske! A to je za njega bila setnja!
> Sta mislite ko je Chuck Norrisa ucio polukruzni…
> Jede oklopna vozila za dorucak.
> Bata Živojinović kad pojede glavicu luka, on ne smrdi na luk.
> Ako ti imaš 5$ i Čak Noris ima 5$, Čak Noris ima više para od tebe. Ali to nije važno jer je Bata Živojinović kupio obojicu dok si ti ovo čitao.
>
Deception is a Right · Truth is a Privilege · Innocence is a Luxury
Nisam procitao sve (samo prvih par... ostavljam sutra za posao, ali ovaj je definitivno vrs vrsova:
lord warrior wrote:
> Bati Živojinoviću su svirali i pevali Betoven i Šopen kad je bio mali.
:lol: :lol:
That was a hazardous consultation of the Libre Mortis my Lord. An ordeal of high and low doom. The moment I approached the book, it bit me most ferociously.
I must appologize for the explosion that blew off the door of The Chamber Unbreachable, but the simultaneous emergence of seventeen demons from the book spine, caused the spiritual detonation in the soul stoned air of the room.
The whole enterprise was an experience most horrendeous. None but I could have endured it. I was almost damned twice. Even now my soul is twisted to a cork screw.
I suggest you keep the state of your soul to yourself, and inform us, instead, what you have gleamed from the Grimoire.
Hatred and prejudice will never be eradicated. And witch hunts will never be about witches. To have a scapegoat - that's the key. Humans always fear the alien, the odd. Once the mages had left Novigrad, folk turned their anger against the other races... and, as they have for ages, branded their neighbors their greatest foes.
And 'cause I was gazillionaire and I liked doing it so much, I cut that grass for free.
That was a hazardous consultation of the Libre Mortis my Lord. An ordeal of high and low doom. The moment I approached the book, it bit me most ferociously.
I must appologize for the explosion that blew off the door of The Chamber Unbreachable, but the simultaneous emergence of seventeen demons from the book spine, caused the spiritual detonation in the soul stoned air of the room.
The whole enterprise was an experience most horrendeous. None but I could have endured it. I was almost damned twice. Even now my soul is twisted to a cork screw.
I suggest you keep the state of your soul to yourself, and inform us, instead, what you have gleamed from the Grimoire.
Hatred and prejudice will never be eradicated. And witch hunts will never be about witches. To have a scapegoat - that's the key. Humans always fear the alien, the odd. Once the mages had left Novigrad, folk turned their anger against the other races... and, as they have for ages, branded their neighbors their greatest foes.
And 'cause I was gazillionaire and I liked doing it so much, I cut that grass for free.
Kondukter u vozu kontrolise karte. U jednom kupeu svi pokazu karte samo jedan mali zeva kroz prozor...
- Mali, daj kartu!
- Ja sam Srbin!
- More mali, ne zaj... nego daj kartu!
- (placno) Ali, ja sam Srbin!
- Ma svi smo ovde Srbi, daj kartu!
- Ma, ciko ja sam Srbin!
Ovaj popizdi, ukoci voz izbaci klinca napolje...
Kad stignu u Beograd, izadje kondukter napolje, krene prema suzbenom delu, kad sretne masinovodju koji pita:
- Milisave, da mi nisi video sina negde?
- Kuku, Srbo, brate, izvini, sto sam se zajebao!
That was a hazardous consultation of the Libre Mortis my Lord. An ordeal of high and low doom. The moment I approached the book, it bit me most ferociously.
I must appologize for the explosion that blew off the door of The Chamber Unbreachable, but the simultaneous emergence of seventeen demons from the book spine, caused the spiritual detonation in the soul stoned air of the room.
The whole enterprise was an experience most horrendeous. None but I could have endured it. I was almost damned twice. Even now my soul is twisted to a cork screw.
I suggest you keep the state of your soul to yourself, and inform us, instead, what you have gleamed from the Grimoire.
Hatred and prejudice will never be eradicated. And witch hunts will never be about witches. To have a scapegoat - that's the key. Humans always fear the alien, the odd. Once the mages had left Novigrad, folk turned their anger against the other races... and, as they have for ages, branded their neighbors their greatest foes.
And 'cause I was gazillionaire and I liked doing it so much, I cut that grass for free.
Contrary to the belief of many, a noob/n00b and a newbie/newb are not the same thing. Newbs are those who are new to some task* and are very beginner at it, possibly a little overconfident about it, but they are willing to learn and fix their errors to move out of that stage. n00bs, on the other hand, know little and have no will to learn any more. They expect people to do the work for them and then expect to get praised about it, and make up a unique species of their own.
Noobs are often referred to as n00bs as a sign of disrespect toward them, and it's often hella funny.
* Usually the topic at hand on an internet forum.
That was a hazardous consultation of the Libre Mortis my Lord. An ordeal of high and low doom. The moment I approached the book, it bit me most ferociously.
I must appologize for the explosion that blew off the door of The Chamber Unbreachable, but the simultaneous emergence of seventeen demons from the book spine, caused the spiritual detonation in the soul stoned air of the room.
The whole enterprise was an experience most horrendeous. None but I could have endured it. I was almost damned twice. Even now my soul is twisted to a cork screw.
I suggest you keep the state of your soul to yourself, and inform us, instead, what you have gleamed from the Grimoire.
Hatred and prejudice will never be eradicated. And witch hunts will never be about witches. To have a scapegoat - that's the key. Humans always fear the alien, the odd. Once the mages had left Novigrad, folk turned their anger against the other races... and, as they have for ages, branded their neighbors their greatest foes.
And 'cause I was gazillionaire and I liked doing it so much, I cut that grass for free.
Pendargon wrote:...po toj logici, mogao bih da isecem lepih 10 kockastih komada stiropora, na devet zalepim bolter i bolt pistolj, i granate, i mali nozic, jednom zalepim powerfist da viri, a na jednog zakacim lasscannon, i imam savrsenu jedinicu chaos space marinaca....
Pendargon wrote:...po toj logici, mogao bih da isecem lepih 10 kockastih komada stiropora, na devet zalepim bolter i bolt pistolj, i granate, i mali nozic, jednom zalepim powerfist da viri, a na jednog zakacim lasscannon, i imam savrsenu jedinicu chaos space marinaca....
Prvo moj favorit:
- Pevaljka sam od glave do pete, oko mene sve valute lete.
a onda i ostali:
- Lazes kao pas, gledas me ko zver, stvarno nije fer.
- Sve, sve, sve, sve ces da mi das,al ja necu s tobom jer si mafijas.
- Daj zagrli me, daj daj daj, vodoravno a i uspravnooooo
- Ajde Jelo smrci belo,pa nek vidi celo selo.
- Plitak potok, a voda duboka??????
- Mala lezi tuku mitraljezi, ja cu na te, ne boj se granate!
- Ocu kuci da te vodim,ali ja sam izbjeglica nemam kuce, boze boze zar ja trazim nemoguce...
- Vetar duva kisa sipi a pod nama krevet skripi.
- Zbog nje su me zvali papak... ja to nisam znaoooo
- Jel te peku u daljini moje suze na haljini?
- Skocit cu sa sedmoga sprata, rodila mi zena a ja nisam tata.
- Moj se dragi u autu voza a ja jadna u sumi kod koza!!!!
- Kazu nismo par zato sto si podstanar...
- Uz malu pec i radio svasta sam joj radio.
- Sto na kafu zoves mene kada nemas samlevene!
- Sta ce meni vencanje i zena, kad sa tudjom zivim bez problema.
- Ti ode na zeleno ja osta na crveno, rastavi nas semafor.
- Da dogovor kucu gradi rek'o je nek'o, s tobom kako stvari stoje temelj je daleko.
- Mala moja na vrh kola stani, da te moje oko nanisani.
- Skini skini kosulju al nemoj brushalter, ostavi bar nesto mala da pocepa panter.
- Ja te volim ja te obozavam, ja bih s tobom da se razmnozavam.
- Ja sam dama visokog morala, zato svoju nikom nisam dala.
- Alal vera mili moj, kad me stegnes joj joooj
- Cveta cvece listaju bandere, ja te volim, ti si mi devojka! (????)
- Ispred kuce metar drva, ti si moja ljubav prva.
- Mala moja dodji da sviramo malkice, ja dok sviram ti mi skini gacice.
- Ja sam svoju Raziju miniro, poginut ce ko je bude diro.
- Pletem dzemper, dzemper mi u ruci, dodji mala pa mi ga navuci.
- OOOO, otpala ti ruka ako drugu taknes oko struka.
- Otisoooo si e pa nek siii, nisi bio bog zna kako seksiiiiii.
- Nisam zgodan al sam neophodan, ko me proba zeli me do groba.
- Mala moja na vrh sela moga, ti zivis u oblacima, ja zivim u opancima (?????)
- Ja ti kazem odlazi pokido se lanac, a ti ne razumes ko da si Bosanac.
- Neko vozi motor, neko vozi traktor, ja i moja mala motokultivator.
- Sutra kada prodje sto je noci milo, ti ne pricaj drugovima sta je sinoc bilo!!!!
- Dva bunara dva bunara a velika susa, dodji dragi izgore mi i srce i dusaaaa
- Rodno mesto Banja Luka, jedem cevap s mnogo luka, u Becu sam gastarbajter, u krevetu pravi fajter
That was a hazardous consultation of the Libre Mortis my Lord. An ordeal of high and low doom. The moment I approached the book, it bit me most ferociously.
I must appologize for the explosion that blew off the door of The Chamber Unbreachable, but the simultaneous emergence of seventeen demons from the book spine, caused the spiritual detonation in the soul stoned air of the room.
The whole enterprise was an experience most horrendeous. None but I could have endured it. I was almost damned twice. Even now my soul is twisted to a cork screw.
I suggest you keep the state of your soul to yourself, and inform us, instead, what you have gleamed from the Grimoire.
Hatred and prejudice will never be eradicated. And witch hunts will never be about witches. To have a scapegoat - that's the key. Humans always fear the alien, the odd. Once the mages had left Novigrad, folk turned their anger against the other races... and, as they have for ages, branded their neighbors their greatest foes.
And 'cause I was gazillionaire and I liked doing it so much, I cut that grass for free.
Pendargon wrote:...po toj logici, mogao bih da isecem lepih 10 kockastih komada stiropora, na devet zalepim bolter i bolt pistolj, i granate, i mali nozic, jednom zalepim powerfist da viri, a na jednog zakacim lasscannon, i imam savrsenu jedinicu chaos space marinaca....
Slucajno naleteo na clanak-ocigledno ga je kucao neko sa 4chan-a :lol:...
Nadam se da ce svi ljubitelji SM-a uzivati...
Kao i svi ostali... :lol:
Shield Marines
Ever wonder who people are talking about? You know, when they say that THIER marines never shirk from things that make "normal marines" soil thier Mk V's? That they can take positions no other marines can take, that they take Earthshaker rounds in the face and say "Excuse me, but that is a lovely breeze"? Who are these other marines, these marines that DO run away, that CANT take that positon, who DO die when a lasgun grazes thier greaves?
Today I present to you those heros. Here they are ladies and gentlemen, The Emperors SHIELD MARINES!
Chapter name: Shield marines
Saying: In the name of the Emperor, please kill us!!
Colors: Red, with white trim.
Symbol: Big red bullesye on all parts of their armor
Chapter traits: None, at all, except for dying easily
Homeworld: Earth
The shield marines chapter originated from Earth. A executive order from all twelve high lords of Terra decreed that a new space marine chapter should be created, a propaganda chapter. The order stated that the Shield Marines should not be given any enhancements, past history, or extraordinary wargear/training. They would in a sense, be “lesser” marines. The shield marines primary creation objective was to be so much worse then other marines at accomplishing their tasks, that other marine chapters would appear to be “godly” in comparison.
The project became a complete success. At every major battle in the Imperium, from the Badab war to the Black crusades, the shield marines have been posted. Given their lack of ability, most imperial forces call in for additional aid in the form of other marine chapters. When these chapters arrive, victory comes at a much higher rate, and their abilities seem amazing in comparison. In fact, because of the creation of this chapter, space marine godliness rating has gone up 200%, and morale of imperial forces increased 600%.
No chapter in the Adeptus Astartes has ever agreed to fight beside the Shield marines. They are a complete disgrace to space marines, the weakest and the lowest form. Per combat rating, shield marines are the equivalent to 2 guardsmen. With such a low ability to achieve, the marine chapter has zero self victories under its belt. But the chapter is beyond just normal size. Due to It’s high casualty rates, the marines must constantly recruit from the holy world of terra, were everyday, peasants and the poor line up for their induction. Induction is in its basic, a suit of cardboard power amour, and a Ompehila organ to stop paper cuts.
Due to their lack of everything cool, Shield marines are constantly pessimistic, if not suicidal. Since the massacre of 12th company, when all 100 marines killed themselves via lasgun, every company must be accompanied by a Chaplain, whom must also be accompanied by an inquisitor, as the chaplains tend to become suicidal as well.
Shield marine stats
WS BS S T W I A LD SV Pts
3 4 3 4 1 8 1 7 4+ 12
Depressed: Shield marines must take a LD check every turn if a Chaplian is not on the table.
Take the Bullet: Shield marines are adept at dying and taking enemy fire. When a shield marine squad takes multiple wounds, check the squad size. If the squad is above or at 50% a wounded marine may opt to take a second wound, thus saving a member of his squad from death.
Meat Shields: Over the years, the emporers forces have learned to use the Shield marines as just that, shields. Whenever an ally or other marine squad are targeted, check Los if there is another squad in front of them. If so, the shield marines in front may opt to take the incoming fire. This ability does not take effect if the weapons are indirect fire.
Chapter Master Bolterius to the Headeus
Chapter master Bolterius is the 200th chapter master in the Shield marines chapter. Due to everyone else in the chapter sucking up the enemy fire, the chapter masters tend to think they are real marines, and get themselves killed pretty quickly.
Chapter master Bolterius has the tactical experience of a 9 yr old, and has led the 2nd company to complete ruin on several occasions. Equipped with the “big Bullseye” Bolterius leads the chapter to grief and misfortune on the battlefields of the imperium
WS BS S T W I A Ld Sv Pts
4 2 4 4 2 3 2 7 3+ 65
Big Bullseye: Where most bullseye of the chapter direct enemy incoming small arms fire, the Big Bullseye is meant to direct artillery fire. Whenever artillery weapons are on the field, roll a d6. on a roll of 4+, the artillery crews cant resist firing at the bullseye, and target Bolterius.
Equippded with plasma pistol, power weapon
Chaplain Deppresum
Chaplain Deppresum has been head Chaplain for the Shield marines for over 50 yrs, which is quite the life expectancy when it comes to shield marines. Leading the chapters overall speeches, Chaplain Deppresum has caused over 23 marine suicides due to his lack of valor, zeal, and overall doldrums mood. Chaplain Deppresum is equipped with the Crozius Saddinium.
Recently, Deppresum has come under inquisitorial suspicion, when during the siege of Broklaw V, he entered the com system and gave a speech to all Imperial forces involved with the crusade. His speech was so awful and sad that 80% of all Guard units threw themselves on their own trench spikes, crippiling the Imperial forces and losing Broklaw to the Imperium forever
Deppresum is equipped also with a bolt pistol
WSBS S T W I A L D SV Pts
4 3 4 4 2 5 3 10 d6 85
Crozius Saddinium: This specially modified crozius contains nothing of the emperors holy light. Instead, it is filled with the sad monotonous spirit of a dead adminstratium clerk named Derick. When struck with the crozius, those hit must take a LD check. If they fail, the enemies are removed as they all ritually commit suicide
Faildarius: The faildarius is a negative Rosarius. When Deppresum must take a SV check, roll a 2 d6. For the first roll, count that as Deppresum’s SV. For the second roll, add that to the second dice. He cannot have a save high then 6+. This save is invulnerable
Horrible Oratory: Saddimiums speeches are so awful that, in the shooting phase, he may choose to target one squad. That squad must, even if it normally wouldn’t have to (TAKE THAT FEARLESS!!) take a LD check. If they fail, they fall back 2d6 for d6 amount of turns.
Inquisitor Tylarius
Inquisitor Tylarius has recently been stationed with the Shield Marines chapter due his characertistic push overness and all around paranoia. A man who has stumbled and tripped his way to Inquisitoral rankhood, Tylarius has developed a pychosis of paranoia and trigger happy syndrome that makes a commisar's exectution list look like a space marine casualty figure. Because of his low value and vagueness, Tylarius has the sad task of keeping the shield marines in line and free from mutation. Unusually, Tylarius does not see the down side to this station, the usual dolldrums mood that accompanies those with the chapter unaffecting him. Specualtion suggests that this is because Tylarius is already a downtrodden spirit, that or he must be of demon kin to avoid such sucidal madness. Tylarius is best known for his appliance retinue. Forces of the imperium gawk and stare slack jawed in the thick of battle, where the Inquisitor and his appliance retinue join the fighting. With his ant-grave clothes hook, treaded cabnient, teleporting coat rack, and other such odd accessories, Tylarius's paranoi takes to the extreme. Trusting nothing less then the items he uses in his daily life, Tylarius refuses to accept any other form of aid.
To quote one guardsmen spectator
"I've never seen anythin' like it sirs! We were gettin pinned down by heavy bolter fira', when all of a sudden a great flash and boom! There's this coat rack! I know! No joke, and this coat rack starts smackin' soldiers' left an right, when we here this sudden growl and a big frakkin' cabinet comes trumbling up! Auto cannon and a big Gakin' claw rippin through the enemy! I swear sir, on the Emporer!....Hey...uhh what are you doin with that commisa-" Guardsmen executed for possible chaos taint.
Tylraius is equipped with a specially modifided bolt pistol, a rigged auspex, and "Power" sword.
WS BS S T W I A LD SV Pts
3 2 3 3 2 3 3 8 4+ 80
Trigg' happy pistol: This specially modified bolt pistol was a gift from the peoples of Drylinka lll, for leaving the planet, please. Inscribied on the holster of the pistol itself are the wordings, "please, please, PLEASE, never come back" The people of Drylinka lll are not know for thier gun craftsmanship, and severl theories suggest that the weapon was created to in fact kill Tylarius. The pistols trigger, once engaged, sticks to the back of the gun, until the magazine runs out. Due to the high rate of fire, the gun has 0 accuracy (shown in profile), and is a Assualt 4 bolt pistol, that follows the "gets hot" rules of plasma guns.
Rigged Auspex: Perhaps as a cruel joke, or a gift from another planet "saved", this auspex has been in Tylarius's possesion since his station with the Shield Marines. Whether the readings are true are not, the auspex shows a battlefield swarming with enemy soldiers. to represent this confusion, at the begining of every game, take a morale test for Tylarius. If he fails, roll 2d6 and a scatter die, and move Tylarius there.
Sword: Another cruel joke, this "sword" has long been a personal favorite of Tylarius's armoury. Labelled, "power" sword, the sword has nothing of the qualities that embody an actual power weapon. Rather, the swords name itself is "Power". Misread by Tylarius, the Inquisitor rushes into battle, bieleving he wields a true power weapon. But through faith alone, the properties of the weapon have been known to change, as first hand accounts speak of the weapon itself charging with the emperors most holy light.
Every time Tylarius attacks, make a morale check. If Tylarius passes, his weapon is filled with faith alone, and ignores all armour saves, inculding invulnerable saves.
Paranoia: Tylerius is extremly paranoid, and as such will not under any circumstances lead any other allies of the Imperium into battle, besides his own retinue.
Tylerius's Retinue
The appliance retinue of Inquisitor Tylerius is a mystery beyond that of even the Adeptus Mechanicus. How the Inqusitior managed to obtain such odd ended mechanisms is beyond even the Ordo Xenos own knowledge, and they are rumored to have originated from Holy Terra itself.
Coat Rack
Tylerius's coat rack is his closest ally. Carrying not only his most favored 40,000 millenium trendy dark overcoats, the CoatRack also acts as his personal teleporation device, sending Tylarius and his retinue across the battlefield wherever they may be needed.
The coat rack is armed with three twin linked lasguns.
Ws BS S T W I A LD Sv Pts
2 4 2 3 1 3 2 10 4+ 50
Teleport: This ability allows Tylarius and his retinue to utilise the DeepStrike rules.
Fearless: The Coat Rack is FEARLESS!!!
Treaded Cabinet
The Cabinet is Tylarius's heavy hitter retinue personale. Moving on heavy treads, and reinforced with cermaite lining, The cabinent is a fearsome display of old terra style furniture and new age style whoop ass.
The cabinet is armed with a heavy bolter, and dreadnought close combat weapon.
WS BS S T W I A LD SV PTs
3 3 10 6 3 2 2 10 2+ 75
The cabinent may shoot and move normally as if its weapon were an assualt weapon.
Fearless: The cabinet is FEARLESS!
Coat Hanger
The Coat Hanger is the most unique member within the retinue. Acting as a personal shield to Tylerius and his coats, the Hanger spins himself around Tylerius, effectivly covering from all corners of incoming fire.
WS BS S T W I A LD SV PTs
2 2 2 3 2 3 1 10 5+ 30
ForceField: As long as Coat Hanger is in play, Tylerius benefits from a 4+ invulnerable save.
However, when ever the forcefield save is used, take an armour save for the coat hanger.
Fearless: The Coat hanger is FEARLESS TOO!!!
Special Deployment.
Bullseye Bombing: Whenever the enemy is too entrenched in a fortified position, or the local guardsmen are done exhausting thier basilisks (and casualty lists) it has been known for generals to call for aid in the form of none other then the shield marines. Bielieving themselves to actually be cool enough for drop pod landing, these occasions are the few moments when shield marine morale actually increases. Flying high over the battlefield in dressed up ThunderHawks (actually hangliders with dummy pilots) the shield marines make ready for low orbit deployment with thier special "terra issued" jump packs. These special edition jump packs have none of the qualities of acutal space marine jump packs. Instead, they are paper mache models fillied to the the brim with explosives. Once air borne, the shield marines are lead to bieleve they are bringing the fight to the enemes of the emporer. The battle cry of "IN the name of the emporer, Please dont shoot me down!" can be heard in the wind as the shield marines make planet fall. Unfortunatly, by the time half of them have exploded on touch down, the rest of the marines begin to realise whats going on and the battle cry quickly turns into, In the name of the emporer, HOW THE HELL DO YOU GET THIS THING OFF?!?!?
Bullseye bomb stats
Weapon Range Str. AP Type
Bullseye bomb Deep Strike 6 4 Heavy 1, blast
When useing the bullseye bomb deployment, roll the unit equippded as if rolling for deep strike. When successfull, place small blast templates equal to the number of models equippded where scatter die roll lands. Use barrage rule when placing multiple markers I.E. when first marker is placed, continue to roll 2d6 for each other blast marker based on first blasts location.
*Dud bomb*: On certain occasions, the explosives in a shield marines pack have been known to not go off (rare occasions) To represent this, for each model in the squad, roll a d6. If 5 or 6, place the space marine model rather the blast template. These models do not have to follow unit coherency, nor do thier change in squad size effect there leadership roll. And shield marines are not effected by other marine blast templates, as they are so frakking lucky for survivng the god emperor deems them worthy for some slack.
Special character
Landius, the ever surviving marine
Landius to date has been the only shield marine to survive more then one Bullseye bombing deployment. In fact, Landius has been sent on SEVEN different suici- i mean "deployments" and survived. Whether the will of the God Emporer, or more likely the Eldar Laughing god, every time Landius has been "deployed, he has survived. Being Proficent in living (a rare trait in the Shield Marines) Landius has been specially equippded by the Inquisition for that the day he does FINALLY blow up, it'll pack a mega punch.
WS BS S T W I A Ld Sv Pts
4 4 3 4 2 1 3 8 4+ 100
Dud bomb of Fate: Having survived so many suici- ahh! i mean Deployments, Landius has become adept at disarming the massive bomb strapped to his back. When rolling for Landius's dud, roll a d6. On a 2 or more, Landius survives the crash and his bomb does not explode.
Chained Swords: Unlike many assualt marines who carry Chain Swords, Landius has been specially equippded with "Chained Swords". These are in fact, two swords that have been chained together at the blades. This makes them incredibly difficult to wield. For purposes of close combat, Landius always strikes on Inititive 1, as shown in profile. However, becaue of the deadliness of the weapon, all of Landius's attacks gain the Heavy attack profile.
Wait till he dies!: Landius knows his luck is running out, and has prepared to take down as many of the enemy (or allies) as he can. If (when) Landius dies, roll a d6. On a 3 or more, Landius dramatically flips the switch on his bomb, and all hell breaks loose. Place a large blast marker over Landius, and all troops caught in the blast suffer 1d6 Str. 8 Ap. 2 attacks.
Shield Marines! Are you ready to die...err kill in the name of the Emporer? Landius could here Deppresum's speech over the com, but all he could feel was deppression. The wind was galling the sides of the Thunderhawk, the slightest breeze causing the ship to rock back and forth. Strange, he had never seen a any other marines with such a cruddy thunderhawk. BANG Landius did not turn to the sound. Deppresum's oratory was reaching it's climax, and there were always a few brothers who took thier lives before a coming battle.
Now! in the name of the Emporer, get out there and TAKE A BULLE- I MEAN LIFE!
At this, the marines began jumping. Landius took his place at the back of the line, already sniping the blue cord attached to his "jet pack". It was always a tough decision, the blue or the red. Sometimes, he snipped the red, and sometimes the blue, it was always tough figuring out which one would blow up the bomb. He had a hinting suspicion that someone in the armoury was switching it.
As Landius reached the base of the ThunderHawk, he began tugging out his swords. "standard issue my ass" Thought Landius, as he jumped from the ThunderHawk, struggling to pull the weapon free from it's holster. "Here we go again".
Ko, jel' ja? wrote:Zaista je neko procitao sve ono? 8O
Naravno da nije :lol:... osim Slovica... ali on nije neko, on je Slovic :lol:
That was a hazardous consultation of the Libre Mortis my Lord. An ordeal of high and low doom. The moment I approached the book, it bit me most ferociously.
I must appologize for the explosion that blew off the door of The Chamber Unbreachable, but the simultaneous emergence of seventeen demons from the book spine, caused the spiritual detonation in the soul stoned air of the room.
The whole enterprise was an experience most horrendeous. None but I could have endured it. I was almost damned twice. Even now my soul is twisted to a cork screw.
I suggest you keep the state of your soul to yourself, and inform us, instead, what you have gleamed from the Grimoire.
Hatred and prejudice will never be eradicated. And witch hunts will never be about witches. To have a scapegoat - that's the key. Humans always fear the alien, the odd. Once the mages had left Novigrad, folk turned their anger against the other races... and, as they have for ages, branded their neighbors their greatest foes.
And 'cause I was gazillionaire and I liked doing it so much, I cut that grass for free.
:lol:
Ja sam odustao na zadnjem pasusu, ali ostatak sam procitao :D
Najzdrazi deo: Crozius Saddinium: This specially modified crozius contains nothing of the emperors holy light. Instead, it is filled with the sad monotonous spirit of a dead adminstratium clerk named Derick.
:lol: :lol: Derick :D Gde ga nadje :D
Pendargon wrote:...po toj logici, mogao bih da isecem lepih 10 kockastih komada stiropora, na devet zalepim bolter i bolt pistolj, i granate, i mali nozic, jednom zalepim powerfist da viri, a na jednog zakacim lasscannon, i imam savrsenu jedinicu chaos space marinaca....
Pendargon wrote:...po toj logici, mogao bih da isecem lepih 10 kockastih komada stiropora, na devet zalepim bolter i bolt pistolj, i granate, i mali nozic, jednom zalepim powerfist da viri, a na jednog zakacim lasscannon, i imam savrsenu jedinicu chaos space marinaca....
Dawngreeter wrote:Vidace, koji imas izgovor za koriscenje Viste?...
Nije Vista, samo mu XP tako izgleda...
CYNIC, n.
A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. Hence the custom among the Scythians of plucking out a cynic's eyes to improve his vision.
CYNIC, n.
A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. Hence the custom among the Scythians of plucking out a cynic's eyes to improve his vision.
:badger: :badger: :badger:
:lol: 
so true so true :D
