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Serbia
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Државна зајебанција
Србија и/или Црна Гора
Funny union of
Serbia and nobody else
Flag of Serbia Coat of Arms of Serbia
(Flag) (Coat of Arms)
Motto: "I Srbi su ljudi. Mozda."

Real motto: "Srbija do Tokija preko Milvokija."

Real motto 2:"Jebes ustase!"
National Anthem: Boze nema Pravde
Official language Serbian
Capital Den Haag (de facto)
Government Anarchy
Lunatic Nationalist Cadre
Anarchy
Democyratic Republic
Anarchy
Democracy
Demonarchy
Tribe leader Papa Smurf
National Hero Misha Tumbas
National Pastime Moonwalking
Territorial aspirations From Baltic to Adriatic Sea, including Tokyo, Millwokee, karlovac, Karlobag, Virovitica and Ogulin
Currency inches
Religion Orthodox Alcoholism Shabanism

“Serbia... what a funny name...”

~ Oscar Wilde on Serbia

“I want my money back...”

~ Oscar Wilde on Serbia

“I was in Serbia, really, and I liked it, it was so... so... so...”

~ Oscar Wilde on Serbia

Serbia is a huge sprawling nation compromising of large chunks of Southern and Eastern Europe within its historically recognized borders of Karlobag, Karlovac, Virovitica, Tokyo. Roots of this "proud and heroic empire" reach back to 10th century BC, when the Klingon tribe settled in area. Only historical documents mentioning them in this period were written by members of tribe themselves, as they have invented the phonetic alphabet, along with irrigation, masonry and God. How Serbs ended up in Balkans 16 centuries before their actual migration is mystery, along with fact that they built churches in Byzantine style more than 5 millennia before Christianity and Byzantium, but this seemed to be an internal joke between the tribesmen that modern historians don't really get.
Contents
[hide]

* 1 History
o 1.1 Early period (10th century BC - 7th century AD)
o 1.2 Wars with Ottoman Empire (15th century - 18th century)
o 1.3 "Modern" Serbia
* 2 Serbia Today
o 2.1 Overview
o 2.2 Culture
o 2.3 Montenegro
o 2.4 Croats
o 2.5 Etiquette
o 2.6 Famous Serbs

History
Early period (10th century BC - 7th century AD)

Earliest mention of the Serbs among ancient Greek historians is after the Battle of Phillipolis where army of Smurfs, 15 little man strong, took over Macedonia, ahem South Serbia. Papa Smurf ruled the country until he was called-up for trial in (the?) Haag (Hague).

Serbs' first contact with Roman Empire was in 31AD, when the invading Roman army was decimated by two sleeping toddlers. Chiefs of Serbian tribes, after a night of heavy drinking, decided that it would "be hot" to go invade Rome, which they promptly did. Multi-party constitutional democracy was instituted; much more liberal than the old Roman Republic, and Rome reached new Golden Age in a few short months. However, since they were defeated by a handful of drunken barbarians, Roman historians decided to ignore this period after the Serbs sobered up and went home to get breakfast, leaving emperor Tiberius free to restore old Imperial system.

Subsequent Serbian adventures mildly annoyed other people of that age in south Europe, and the mighty Hun force was immediately accepted as a saviour by those poor victims of Serb oppression and Serb lack of personal hygeine. Nowadays, this is widely regarded as a gross miscalculation.

Other Southern Slavs that began arriving in the 6th century were not impressed by their new neighbours, and often complained that they were too loud. A traditional Serbian response was to throw large tomatos at their heads.
Wars with Ottoman Empire (15th century - 18th century)

Worst conflict for Serbian people was one with Ottomans was at Battle of Kosovo in 1389. There, great Ottoman army was crushed by Serbs, after the battle lasting 17 minutes. Serbs, of course, kicked their butts, but NATO, Coca-Cola, "Conspiracy", Teletubbies(and the rest of the world) were, as always, against Serbs. Of course, none of the Turks' "books" (Serbians refuse to write due religious believes) didn't tell anything about it. Even though Serbs won this battle, and not Ottoman empire, as previously said, Turks got into Serbia somehow, and stayed there for long 500 years to come. Legend tells that lone Serbian knight, Duke Miloš Obilić, snuck into Turkish camp, and killed Soultan Murat. Surprisingly, Serbs celebrated their worst defeat as if they supremely won this battle! The knight was later decapitaded by the son of Murat, The great Soultan, Bajazit. Serbs then stopped celebrating.

Until this day a mistery surrounds this epic battle. It is unclear* how Duke Miloš Obilić managed to pass trough Turkish checkpoints and escape using a T-90 main battle tank. It is a legend that is passing from generation to generation of Serbs and still inspiring new warriors to continue this unfare battle. Some say Miloš was on the dark side, some say he was just another guy from local fitness club who joined war for fun. Great soultan Bajazit was very angry when he found out that some Serbian bodybuilder killed his father. So angry that he launched a SCUD missile directly on party that serbs made to celebrate battle loss. After smoke has cleared and decontamination was done, sad news was spreading, Miloš the Pencilhead was dead.

* This is just in. The latest on how Mr. Milos got the idea to go and assasinate the sultan. Apparently his wife Jelena and her sister Mara, a wife of a local druglord and businessman Vuk Brankovic, got into quarell whos pencil is sharper, Vuk's or Milos's. So Milos went to Turks to prove it. Also reported as present to the showdown was an unindentified Turkish prince, almost caucasian and slightly blackish, 5ft 6, 180 pounds wearing a T-shirt saying "Will SCUD anybody who guts my father".
* One additional piece of folklore based on Miloš Obilić needs debunking: a popular Serbian proberb "Два лоша убише Милоша" (Two bad guys can smite even one Miloš, a freeform translation) was actually invented by a foreign battle reporter immediately after the battle of Kosovo. The Order of Templars (precursor to what will become UN) had their war reporters sent over to Kosovo and one of them was stationed near the point of impact of said SCUD missile. The Templar had been enjoying his third or fourth barrel of Serbian refreshing beverage šljivovica at the moment of explosion, and -- momentarily grasping the impact of the event -- allegedly uttered the words "Too bad, Miloš's dead." This was heard by some Serbs nearby but due to their sense of hearing being impaired partly by the recent explosion and partly by the otherwise beneficial effects of the quantity of šljivovica imbibed, they misinterpreted it as "Two bad, Miloš dead". This didn't make any sense, which made it instantly popular among Serbs surviving the battle of Kosovo.

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